As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
