Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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