At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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