Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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