Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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