I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
