so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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