I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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