you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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