If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
