I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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