It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
