When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
