I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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