I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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