Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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