Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
