its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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