Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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