You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
