thus making me awesome and them whores
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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