Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
