Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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