dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
