Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
