You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
