im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
