I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
