Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
well, you know. whores of a feather.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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