So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
