i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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