Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
