How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
