At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
