I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
