PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
