He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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