I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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