I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
