You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
