The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
