Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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