If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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