My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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