my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
