He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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