dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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