we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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