I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
