what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
