You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
