Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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