and my herpes radar will keep us safe
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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