Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You took a bar mat shot.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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