Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
