I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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