dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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