I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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