I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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