4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
They are going to name an STD after you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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