Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
