Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
