i was born a porn star she said
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
