I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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