Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
