apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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