Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
