my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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