even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize