do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize