His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
