he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
