sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
