Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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