Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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