apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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