I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
