I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
