I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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