i wish my penis had a tongue
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
