i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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