Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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