Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
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He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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