My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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