she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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