the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Screwed.edu
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize