What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
