Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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